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Fun Facts About Me
- I sleep with at least a foot or hand dangling off the bed.

- My favorite color is teal.

- I have 3 beauty marks: cheek, back, lower cheek.

- I like Kraft mac & cheese and hot cocoa on cold days.

- I love old romantic comedy musicals.

- I have big feet.


The Chinese Goddess of prostitutes. As a mortal, she was a widow who was much too liberal and inventive with her favors, and her father-in-law killed her. In death she was honored by her more professional associates and eventually became the goddess of whores.
Baklava Cups
1 (2 1/8oz) box frozen miniature phyllo cups
2/3 c. chopped mixed nuts
1-2 tsp. sugar
1/4 c. honey
1 tsp. water

1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.
2. Place the shells on a baking sheet. Mix the sugar and chopped nuts and fill the shells. Bake for 8 minutes or until the shells are lightly browned.
3. Mix the honey and water in a small bowl and drizzle over the nuts. Serve warm or at room temperature.

Kujiga: Korean Chant
Song sung by the nine elders of Kaya when summoning King Suro. One of the earliest (if not the first) recorded instance of a shamanistic ritual (kut) in Korea.

Keobuga, Keobuga
Meorireul naeeora
Naeeonoch'i aneumyeon
Kuweo meogeuri
"Turtle, Turtle
Stick out your head
If you don't
We'll roast and eat you"

Cortigiana Onesta
In Italy, known as honest courtesans, the cortigiana onesta were usually well-educated and worldly (sometimes even more so than the average upper-class woman), and often held simultaneous careers as performers or artists. They were typically chosen on the basis of their "breeding"--social and conversational skills, intelligence, common sense, and companionship--as well as their physical attributes. It was usually their wit and personality that set them apart from regular women. They were prostitutes in the sense that sex was one of their obligations, but unlike the average prostitute, sex constituted only a facet of the courtesan's array of services. For example, they were expected to be well-dressed and ready to engage in a variety of topics ranging from art to music to politics.
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Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Wardrobe Essentials.... PTHTHTHTHTLT!!!!
I have been told many times in the past that I am "stylish" or "fashionable". I have been asked by folks where I've gotten this or that item. But I am not, in fact, fashionable OR stylish. I am, in fact, gaudy and cheap. It just so happens that my flavor of gaudy and cheap appeals to people. I also hit jackpot in the genetics lottery. I'm tall for a woman, with slim Asian bones and muscles stretched out on a Western scale with wide shoulders and hips giving me an hourglass framework. This is why I look nice, this genetic jackpot, not the clothes.

Take a closer look: My faded green thermal shirt has little holes on the side and back where the cat fought with it. My slacks are a half-size too loose or tight and there is a strange puckering at the hip where I hastily "repaired" a hole. My men's sweater is unravelling at a cuff but is still warm. Except for a handful of items I've tried to care for, much of what I own is second-hand, faded, worn out and coming apart. Some have permanent paint, ink or bleach stains. But I'm cheap so I can't bring myself to preemptively toss them out and replace them. I've gotten pretty good at layering stuff so that the worst is covered and the rest appears "artistic" and intentional. I like bright colors which is always appealing. I have learned that, with good posture, bone structure and confidence, a woman can make any outfit look good. But it would be nice to have stuff that's not literally coming apart at the seams.

Thanks to the holidays I've got money for new clothes and, by golly, I'm gonna spend it on new clothes! Since shopping usually spins me into anxiety attacks I've decided to figure out the ingredients for a functional wardrobe. This is, so far, a mistake.

Every article lists the humble white button-up shirt as the holy essential grail. It's dressy, it's relaxed, it's comfortable, it cures cancer and can make you fly!!! I own cats (one is black and loves being hugged). I "get my hands dirty" at the spur of the moment. I'm clumsy. I don't wear light clothes. Plus, most light shades make me look sickly. The button-up shirt also makes me look like a waitress for a nice restaurant.

Next on the list is usually a black skirt, trench coat, Little Black Dress, etc. This is when it dawns on me that I am not the target audience for these articles. None of them mention color; everything is white, beige, black and grey. None of them seem aimed at people who are perpetually cold. Slacks are thin and non-insulative. My poor thighs would be icicles after a day in a 70* office wearing a solitary layer of slacks! Who the hell every thought that 3/4 sleeves are a good idea when they leave your forearm cold or bunch up at the elbow. Ballet flats = might as well be barefoot for all the comfort and protection they afford.

All of these lists are desperately trying to channel Audrey Hepburn. She was a lovely-looking woman to be sure, but it's not the 60's and I'm no gamine. I'm a juggernaut with power tools, a geek and biker, an office worker and foodie. It's 2011-ish. I have no business wearing what she wore and to do so would be a farce.

So now I have to design my own "wardrobe essentials" list. Hopefully it will be as attractive and appealing as it will be comfortable and practical.

1) Long johns- the kind that are silky on the outside so they won't catch the fabric of your pants. Three of them should be enough. All in black. Better make it four.

2) Long-sleeved, square-necked thin-knit shirts that can reach the waist or lower. Since women's pants and tops usually refuse to meet I need base layer pieces that will cover my butt-crack when I bend. Long sleeved for warmth and square-necked so they won't show in other necklines. I have a green one, next I'd like teal, purple, blue and grey. Maybe black. All told, at least four of these.

3) Brown shoes. I have colored shoes and black shoes but no brown shoes. I should get some so I'm not embarrassing to be with in public.

4) Long-sleeve cardigan/jacket-type thing. Slim fit so it can be worn under jackets and coats. Long enough to overlap pants. I have one of those exercise outfit jacket things that currently serves this function but it's black is quickly turning grey. This is obviously a useful item so I should have more than the one. Two or three should do.

5) Pants- This is probably the most frustrating bit. I know exactly what I want and need and I'm gong to have a hard time finding them. Pants that extend above my hipbones, aren't skin tight AND are made of a spandex-blend are rare. Todaye a woman can usually wear jeans into the office as long as they are dressed up. The article itself is ubiquitous and few will dare tread on a woman's sense of fashion so it's often allowed. Still, I do realize I need slacks that fit well, even if there are long-johns underneath. And I need to remember to reinforce the hem since that's usually the first thing to go. I've already got the denim covered so I need slacks... let's say three.

6) Nice tops. This is the decorative outer shell that is seen peeping from within the jacket or sweater when it's cool, and standing on it's own when it's warm. Preferably without buttons or other 3D embellishments that will pop off and of a single jewel-toned color. Four of these.

7) Skirts- not likely.

Generally, everything should be slightly slippery so they will not catch each other when I'm layering for warmth. Buttons and embellishments should be at a minimum since I usually ruin them, lose them, or neglect to repair/replace them when necessary. Embellishments also betray the age of the item- something to be avoided when one goes shopping once per year.

Everything should be made of fabrics that will age gracefully (ie: contain synthetics) or be so resilient (ie: denim, canvas and leather) that, as it wears out, it will retain it's shape. Everything will be made of wrinkle-free materials: knit, jersey, denim, spandex-blends, etc. I'm a shoddy clothes keeper. Things on my hangers are haphazard and, often, inside out. Everything in my drawers are senselessly jammed together. Some may have been folded once but I can't keep them folded so often give up. Wrinkle free means I will still look nice when I get out of my motorcycle gear.

The bright colors will be accessory enough since I seldom wear jewelry because it catches on stuff. I have my utility bag for every day and a purple purse for dressing up. I've rocked the "color as accessory" thing long enough that I've got it mastered and I can now pull off a purple purse with anything.

So there it is: I now know what I need and there's enough wriggle-room that I'm sure to find something that fits the bill. Now it's time to take more cold medication and go shopping! (4 long johns, 4 long sleeve layering shirts, 1 brown shoes, 2 cardigan thingies, 3 slacks and 4 tops)

posted by Coddswaddle @ 6:14 AM  
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About Me

Name: Coddswaddle

High Priestess of the Dark Lord Internet

About Me: I was hatched long ago by a slightly neurotic squirrel. It was from that rodent that I cultivated an interest in shiny objects and innovative design. Marketing is a trial for me as I navigate the aisles of plastic-wrapped promotional products. At home I like to shoot aliens while smack-talking, cuddling my cats, and causing my fiancée grief.
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